The Scandalous Brunch Photos That Scientology Doesn’t Want You To See

A few weeks ago, I visited L.A. to hang out with a close friend and escape the New Hampshire winter, which has actually been unsettlingly mild so far, but never mind. Along with window shopping, peeping at Katherine Heigl as we ate sushi, and driving to the Beverly Hilton the night Whitney Houston died — LOS ANGELES, YOU GUYS — we decided to have brunch at the Church of Scientology International Celebrity Centre. You can tell it’s “international” because of the ultra-sophisticated spelling of the word “center.”

Yes, the Church of Scientology serves a weekend brunch buffet for about $12 at the Renaissance Restaurant, inside the Manor Hotel, also run by the church. The Manor Hotel is the former Chateau Elysee, an apartment complex once home to stars including Bette Davis and Humphrey Bogart; the church bought it in 1973. The restaurant, like certain areas of the Celebrity Center  Centre, is open to the public. According to his own blog, an Austrian man named Helmut Flasch renamed and refurbished the restaurant at the request of some Scientologists he met while working the Los Angeles Airport Hilton Hotel. “All the above happened while NOT being a Scientologist, but hanging out at the Manor Hotel 24/7 got me interested in Scientology,” he writes, somewhat worryingly to a woman who recently hung out at the Manor Hotel. “This is a method of recruiting which L Ron Hubbard had talked about that will inevitably lead into people becoming Scientologists without trying.” Oh dear.

Fun with replacing 28 mentions of earmarks in last night’s Republican debate with “earmuffs”

"As president I would oppose earmuffs."

JOHN KING: Now, earmuffs, the pork barrel spending, it’s a tiny slice of the budget. I think we all know that. But if you talk to a Tea Party activist, they think — an example, a gateway to corruption.

Senator, you have said there are good earmuffs and bad earmuffs. And you have talked about your earmuffs in the past. Any that you specifically regret? And why have you criticized — why do you think the money that went to Governor Romney for security at the Olympics, why was that a bad earmuff?

SANTORUM: I didn’t suggest it was a bad earmuff. I voted for it and about half the money — a little over half the money that went to the Salt Lake games.

But Governor Romney asked for that earmuff. That’s really the point here. He’s out there on television ads right now, unfortunately, attacking me for saying that I’m this great earmuffer, when he not only asked for earmuffs for the Salt Lake Olympics in the order of tens of millions of dollars, sought those earmuffs and used them, and he did as the governor of Massachusetts, $300 million or $400 million. He said, I would be foolish if I didn’t go out and try to get federal dollars.

This trade in “presents” grows larger every year.

It has become the custom of publishers to make their heaviest issues of books during the holidays. This custom is largely the result of the great growth of the habit of making holiday presents, a general result of which is that everything suitable for presents is manufactured expressly for the holiday trade. This trade in “presents” grows larger every year and shows no sign of falling off. It grew right on through the hard years, seventy-four to eighty; and last year, in spite of the complaints of dealers, we believe it was larger than the previous and more prosperous year.

This is partly due to the fact that new persons are every year drawn within the influence of the custom which is constantly extending itself among the people. Let everybody give a Christmas present to everybody is coming to be the motto of the season. We consider the custom now simply as a fact; it has its disadvantages as well as its merits, but we pass both sides of the question over to traders and moralists.

–The Chautauquan, December 1885

“A bad holiday season would raise recession fears again, whereas a strong one would start to dispel those fears,” said Scott Hoyt, senior director of consumer economics for Moody’s Analytics.

That would give companies more impetus to step up hiring, he added.

As usual, success will depend largely on consumer spending, which accounts for about 70percent of U.S. economic activity. Their spending can impact stores’ expansion plans and inventory decisions into the new year.

And that trickles through the rest of the economy, from suppliers to jobs.

The November-December period accounts for 25 to 40 percent of annual sales and profits. For 2011, that’s almost half a trillion dollars in revenue from spending on everything from tablets to toys. The industry accounts for nearly a quarter of U.S. jobs.

– AP, November 2011

 

Photo: Papa Ted’s Place

In which a shady link-for-pay schemer offers me links but no pay. (Go to sofasandsectionals.com for more info and great deals!)

A few weeks ago, Gawker writer Hamilton Nolan wrote a fascinating post about how a shady marketer had offered him cash on the side in exchange for simply including a single link “in context” in an article. As Nolan explained it, the broker contracts with companies like Motorola and Dell to pay writers to insert links (like that) into their content, without sharing the pesky details with their editors. The companies expand their web presence, the writers get some pocket money in exchange ($175 per post in Nolan’s case!), and no one’s the wiser because the links are included “in context” — subtly, in the middle of otherwise untainted content. “We generally meet with resistance when dealing with editors,” the broker wrote to Nolan, “but bloggers aren’t paid as well and most are willing to make some extra money.” The reason he “meets with resistance” from editors is because his business totally undercuts the fundamental principles of journalism, no big whoop. Needless to say, if Nolan had gone ahead with this it should have gotten him fired.

ANYWAY. So that was interesting to me at the time.

This morning I got an email with the subject line “Free copywriting offer for Public Road.” The email was from a self-described freelance writer asking me if I ever use other people’s content on my blog, and offering her own work. She attached some clips and said if I liked what I saw, she could write something for me — for free!

Sounds like a pretty good deal for a harried blogger. Which I’m not, or at least not on Public Road, where I A) only publish my own stuff B) for fun C) whenever I damn well please and not more often than that.

“There is absolutely no charge for this and no strings attached,” she wrote. Wow! Oh, well, except there is this one TINY string. Really more of a thread, or perhaps a wisp. I barely even noticed that attached string, it’s barely worth mentioning, but fine, as long as you bring it up:

“The only thing I would ask in return is that I’m able to include a link to a site of my choosing within the article – nothing shady or unethical, just one of the professional businesses I freelance for.”

Oh, well as long as it’s nothing shady, and the businesses are professional!

So I clicked on the links she had sent me to her own work, and then did some more googling. (I’m declining to name her here; she’s obviously not the only one doing this and I’m not interested in ruining her career by having this site pop up when someone googles her.) Here are the websites that — consciously or not — seem to be accepting free content in exchange for letting freelancers insert links from third-party advertisers into their content.:

Website: Obscure Sound.
Content: Review of Mink Freud album.
Hilariously shady sentence: “It’s one of those albums that will make you want to lie back on a recliner sectional, put your feet up, and escape into a completely alien world of soundscapes and ambiance.”
“In context” link to: Sofasandsectionals.com

Website: US Daily Review
Content: Comparison of Steve Jobs and Thomas Edison.
Hilariously shady sentence: “In the final analysis most of the people that worked with them wanted to; most wanted to stay for life and wouldn’t consider moving company.”
“In context” link to: Upack.com

Website: Organic Health Advisor
Content: Article on “superfoods.”
Hilariously shady sentence: “It might come as a surprise that some alcohol is beneficial – but before men around the world jump up from their respective sofas, this is referring to small quantities of wine rather than 24-packs of Bud Light.
“In context” link to: Our old friends at Sofasandsectionals.com

Then things got weird: I found an article by this writer that I had written about on another website. She had written a pretty good piece for a website I (previously?) admired! It had a shady link in it that I didn’t even notice at the time! I’m so tempted to name names here! But I won’t!

I have so many questions, but the big one is how much she’s getting paid for this. Her articles are not works of genius, but heck, neither are mine, and they still take some time and research to put together. If she’s offering her work for free to a podunk blog like mine, she must be getting some pretty decent cash from sofasandsectionals.com to make it worth her while.

And so ends the grimy circle of, as she put it in her email to me, “mutual back-scratching.” I sent her a medium-polite email declining her offer. And I just realized I mentioned sofasandsectionals.com four — now five — times within this post. I hope she’s getting paid for this.

Excerpts from the depressingly defensive “About Hooters” page on Hooters.com

Is something bothering you, Hooters.com? Your corporate “About Us” page is the most awkwardly defensive corporate document I’ve ever read. Relax, you’re a multimillion-dollar company. You don’t have convince all of us to love you! Step 1 to improved self-esteem: Your description of yourself shouldn’t read like a how-to on letting the haters get you down:

Claims that Hooters exploits attractive women are as ridiculous as saying the NFL exploits men who are big and fast. Hooters Girls have the same right to use their natural female sex appeal to earn a living as do super models Cindy Crawford and Naomi Campbell.

To Hooters, the women’s rights movement is important because it guarantees women have the right to choose their own careers, be it a Supreme Court Justice or Hooters Girl.

The chain acknowledges that many consider “Hooters” a slang term for a portion of the female anatomy.

According to ever-increasing sales figures, the Hooters concept must be acceptable to a large majority of American consumers. Hooters believes critics of the concept are a vocal minority of politically correct minded individuals.

Sex appeal is legal and it sells.

Pantyhose and bras are required.

Finally, the rousing conclusion!:

The company has no plans to alter the concept and feels doing so would be a tremendous disservice to its franchisees, employees, and customers.

Geez, that is grim. Cheer up, Hooters! Your wings are the Playboy articles of mediocre bar food!

Oh, yeah, my blog.

Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there.

It’s been almost five months since I posted here. Whoops. In those five months I have:

1. Gotten married.

2. Gone on a 6-week road trip.

3. Moved to rural New Hampshire from Brooklyn, my home of 8+ years.

4. Started working as a full-time freelance writer and editor.

5. Found a cure for cancer, the secret to world peace, and a jeans pattern that perfectly flatters every woman in the world, then buried all my research because it will be more satisfying for you if you figure it out on your own.

So, I’ve had a bit on my plate. And speaking of plates, now that I’m all rural and domestic, I must daily resist the urge to turn this into a dull home-cooking blog. I find myself desperately wanting to tell you about this perfect cornmeal pie crust I made this weekend; the trick to getting the consist…HEY! WAKE UP!

So, I (probably) won’t do that. But hopefully I’ll be back with something funny or strange or road-trippy or political or literary or revolting in less than five months. And if all else fails, I’ll teach you how to make beer-can chicken and embroider your own dish towels.

A scene from this summer.

Guest post from a 12-year-old boy.

Today the New York Times published a story that was either about a golf tournament or an epic orgy. As Dave Barry might say, I’m not making this up.

Limping, Tiger Woods Withdraws After 9 Holes

“I was trying to draw that ball out there just a little bit; I pushed forward and just didn’t feel good.” – Tiger Woods

“Everything started getting tight.” – Tiger Woods

“I’m having a hard time walking.” – Tiger Woods

“Woods said he was surprised he had to withdraw.”