Lindsay Lohan’s hilarious history of convoluted excuses

As you may have read this weekend, 47-year-old actress Lindsay Lohan crashed her rented Porsche into the back of an 18-wheeler on the Pacific Coast Highway on Friday. She was taken to the hospital for minor injuries. At first, she claimed the truck, presumably driven by a professional truck driver as opposed to a troubled starlet with a history of drug and alcohol abuse, cut her off. But then her story got even more complicated. Here’s how TMZ explains it:

According to our sources, Lindsay is sticking with the “truck cut me off!!!” story, but with a twist … she claims she slammed on the brakes … but nothing.  And get this … somehow Lindsay says she was told the brakes on the rental were replaced two days before the crash.

Sounds super-plausible! Rather than just say, “I got distracted for a minute” or even sticking with the original “The truck cut me off,” she moves to claiming that her luxury rental car with brand-new brakes suddenly failed completely.

But this is not the first time Lohan has gotten into a minor scrape that she then proceeds to make sound 1,000 times sketchier than it did at first, by offering a hilariously convoluted excuse. Herewith, my favorite Lindsay Lohan story of all time.

In 2006, Lindsay was hospitalized in London. She needed 10 stitches in her shin. Naturally, she sustained the mysterious injury at Canadian rocker Bryan Adams’ mansion. Here’s the explanation her mom gave Star magazine:

Lindsay was going up the stairs, carrying a ceramic teacup. She had just come out of the shower, so she was still wet and had some lotion on, and she completely flipped on the stairs. . . . The teacup went flying, it was shattered and one of the pieces cut Lindsay on her shin.

Sound familiar? Rather than just saying, “She slipped and fell,” the explanation is that Lindsay had taken a shower at Canadian rocker Bryan Adams’ mansion (normal), and had slathered on some lotion while still wet (even more normal), then immediately poured scalding hot tea into a teacup (extremely normal) — but not just any teacup, a CERAMIC teacup (ok, fine, let’s move on) — and then, while still wet and lotion-y, walked up the stairs at Canadian rocker Bryan Adams’ mansion, whereupon she slipped, shattering the ceramic teacup and apparently falling directly on top of one of the ceramic teacup shards.

BEEN THERE, GIRL. The thing about Lindsay Lohan is that she’s almost TOO normal.


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