Bold prediction: 2011 is going to be a rough year for celebrity couples.

“This is not a good year for famous couples.”
New York magazine, December 14, 2010

“2009 was a big year for celebrity breakups.”
Hollywire, December 27, 2009

“2007 was full of celebrity breakups.”
Bonny’s Dating Blog, December 26, 2007

“It has been a bad year for celebrity marriages.”
Daily Mirror, December 27, 2006

Ok, everyone, once and for all, can we please retire this trope? Guess what: Every year is a bad year for celebrity marriages.

Celebrities are all horrible narcissists. They travel constantly, they have 24/7 access to willing sexual partners, they’re millionaires, they’re smoking hot, and they’re used to getting exactly what they want. They do not have normal lives, and they are not normal people. The fact that they cannot manage to build a decades-long bond with another human being is not shocking. Let’s all agree, right now, to stop being shocked.

When Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie break up, we’ll take it in stride. When Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher eventually divorce, we’ll shrug. Even when Matt Damon and his adorable, normal-seeming wife announce their inevitable amicable split, we’ll play it cool even though we might die a little inside.

We will steadfastly refuse to be shocked, because we know the truth: Every single celebrity couple except Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward breaks up eventually. And guess what: Joanne Woodward was Paul Newman’s second wife.

The news that this couple lasted two years instead of 50 should not faze you.

 

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4 responses to “Bold prediction: 2011 is going to be a rough year for celebrity couples.

  1. I thought, “This time I’ll prove Ruth wrong” and Googled “good year for celebrity marriages.” I got 7 hits!

    Every single one of them was preceded by “has not been a”

    Then I broke out the heavy lumber. I checked Nexis for “good year for celebrity marriages.” I got 8 hits!

    Every single one of them was preceded by “has not been a”

    I thought, it must a good year for celebrity something.

    2010 was “a good year for celebrity feuds, ” says CNN anchor John Roberts.

    2009 was “a good year for has-beens and celebrities who just won’t go away” said the Memphis Flyer.

    2005 “was a good year for celebrity weddings” said professional celebrity stalker Jess Cagle on the CBS Early Show. But, he added, “It was also a bad year for celebrity marriages.”

  2. Ha, I love this comment. It would be awesome if there were one fluke year that was just stellar for celebrity marriages. Everyone in Hollywood selflessly, maturely loved and supported each other throughout, say, 1987. Then 1988 hit like a ton of bricks.

  3. Steve Martin once said something like, and I am liberally paraphrasing here, “It’s hard for us celebrities to stay married. This is because we are CONSTANTLY HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER.”

  4. Was there something about 2008??

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