Us Weekly has a feature called “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me,” which was inspired by that Facebook meme from last year and is now just an excuse for B-list celebrities to free-associate fascinating facts about themselves. I LOVE IT. It should be boring, but it’s often completely bizarre and wonderful. This week’s was particularly awesome. Here are 5 of 25 things that Blake Shelton, a person I previously didn’t care about at all but now kind of adore, decided to tell the nearly 2 million readers of Us Weekly:
1. I often find myself wondering, What kind of tree is that? [That is such a weird thing to say!]
2. I don’t have a birthmark. [Not a single spot anywhere on your body? This is also definitely a weird thing to say!]
3. Something about the way Play-Doh smells makes me want to eat it. [Odd.]
4. I once accidentally burned 300 acres of my own land. [How did that happen?! I have a lot of questions about this!]
5. I have had three pet raccoons. [Again: So, so many questions!]
What a delightful weirdo! Whoever edits this feature for Us Weekly is doing a spectacular job, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, because I am sure these are really hard to make interesting. But they are not just interesting, they are strange. Justin Bieber has two Segways! Big Boi has a son named Bamboo and a dog named Halle Berry! Melissa Joan Hart was born was two stomachs! STARS ARE SERIOUSLY NOT LIKE US AT ALL.