Chuck Scarborough “highly recommends” you short-sheet the marital bed.

Local NBC news anchor Chuck Scarborough is answering a few reader/viewer questions this week over at the New York Times City Room. I don’t know what I like best about this particular answer, prompted by the question “What’s the best prank you’ve ever played?” Is it the detail about the unusual brevity of the bride and groom’s courtship? Is it the image of Chuck Scarborough sneaking into “the marital bedroom” during the reception? Or is it the giddy, incredibly detailed instructions on how, precisely, to short-sheet a bed?:

Interestingly, just last summer I attended a wedding in Brooklyn Heights where some mischief was made. The bride was a young woman I’ve known since she was born, so achingly beautiful in her wedding dress that it brought tears to my eyes. The groom I hardly knew, but he seemed like a presentable fellow. (They met on J-Date just 100 days before the wedding.)

In any case, they were deeply in love. The wedding was conducted outdoors with rabbinical humor as a gentle breeze blew and sunset cast a ray of light on the couple just as they said their vows. The reception followed beneath the soft illumination of lights strung between carriage houses by the groom himself. It was all such sublime perfection that I and two co-conspirators couldn’t resist pulling a prank. We slipped into the marital bedroom and short-sheeted the marital bed.

(For you kids who want to try that at home, and I highly recommend it, remove the top sheet from the bed and hide it. Untuck the bottom sheet from the foot of the bed and pull it toward the head, folding it in half. Put the blankets back on and fold the last few inches of the loose end of the bottom sheet over them, so it looks as if there are two sheets on the bed. It will now be impossible for anyone to actually get into that bed, as their legs are trapped in the doubled-over bottom sheet!)

I was hoping for the perfect crime, but thanks to my long, close relationship with the bride, I was immediately busted the next day.


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