1. I take Tonya to Chili’s and then she looks into my eyes.
2. She is wearing an oversized Tweety Bird t-shirt and Faded Glory jeans fashioned as cutoffs so short that the white of the pockets shows by roughly two inches.
3. And there we all were…on the Dairy Queen table as the employees watch in utter shock.
4. She pushed me down on my bed. I fell on my Arbys and got cheddar cheese product and horsey sauce all over my chest, but she said she liked that.
5. Tonya and I had been friends for a while‚ but I never thought she would want me the way I wanted her. One Christmas Eve I saw her putting gas in her truck at the Speed Mart.
6. We go eat BBQ at Kenny Rogers Roasters. She orders thirty two dollars worth of food.
7. Tonya quickly drove up to the 7/11‚ jumped out and ran in to get a pack of cigarettes and a few cases of beer.
8. I am in the laundry room of the trailer park. I have just put in my loads when in walk in the wonderful‚ well trained‚ blond.
9. I had a dream that Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan were on Monday Nitro. One fall‚ fifteen minute time limit‚ no disqualification.
10. I have dreams of sleeping with Tonya in a vat of taco meat.
(No, I’m going to link to these; no, they’re not safe for work, and no, I can’t really explain how I found myself reading them but I swear it was totally innocent.)