Nice melons, or, some poorly researched thoughts on safety

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I spent last night in Green River, UT, known as “The Melon Capitol of the World” for its world-class melons. It’s also called “Utah’s Desert Treasure” because the Chamber of Commerce needed something to do. But besides a few melon stands it’s pretty much just a long stretch of vaguely terrifying motels, in large part because there are no amenities on I-70 between Green River and Salina, 105 miles west. I bypassed most of these Bates-esque spots in favor of a name-brand Super 8, and as I checked in I overheard the clerk laughing and laughing when asked about the nearest drugstore. “Ha!” she said. “Ha! Ha ha ha!”


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You’re probably looking at these photos and thinking, “These places look cute. If I were on a road trip, I’d stay here and not at some boring old Super 8.” Well, I’ll tell you what. First, make sure you’re a woman traveling alone. Then drive into Green River, UT, in the evening. It’ll be mostly long-haul truckers and you. Drive up and down Main Street and survey your options. Then check into one of these charming motels, and relax.

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If you’re having trouble sleeping, sometimes music helps. One of my favorite tunes is “The Green River Murderer (He’s Still Out There)“:

The Green River murderer 
He’s still out there 
The authorities can’t find him 
A trail of bodies behind him 
Forty-eight and counting 
The body count keeps mounting.

Sweet dreams!

(Confession for sticklers: The “Green River Murderer” did most of his killing in Washington, and he has now been caught. But that doesn’t make this town any less creepy! Anyway, sometimes you’ve just got to go with your gut, and my gut forced me to the Super 8 and threw me into the Jacuzzi.)

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