Public Road

This trade in “presents” grows larger every year.

publicroad — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 13:56:41 +0000

It has become the custom of publishers to make their heaviest issues of books during the holidays. This custom is largely the result of the great growth of the habit of making holiday presents, a general result of which is that everything suitable for presents is manufactured expressly for the holiday trade. This trade in “presents” grows larger every year and shows no sign of falling off. It grew right on through the hard years, seventy-four to eighty; and last year, in spite of the complaints of dealers, we believe it was larger than the previous and more prosperous year.

This is partly due to the fact that new persons are every year drawn within the influence of the custom which is constantly extending itself among the people. Let everybody give a Christmas present to everybody is coming to be the motto of the season. We consider the custom now simply as a fact; it has its disadvantages as well as its merits, but we pass both sides of the question over to traders and moralists.

–The Chautauquan, December 1885

“A bad holiday season would raise recession fears again, whereas a strong one would start to dispel those fears,” said Scott Hoyt, senior director of consumer economics for Moody’s Analytics.

That would give companies more impetus to step up hiring, he added.

As usual, success will depend largely on consumer spending, which accounts for about 70percent of U.S. economic activity. Their spending can impact stores’ expansion plans and inventory decisions into the new year.

And that trickles through the rest of the economy, from suppliers to jobs.

The November-December period accounts for 25 to 40 percent of annual sales and profits. For 2011, that’s almost half a trillion dollars in revenue from spending on everything from tablets to toys. The industry accounts for nearly a quarter of U.S. jobs.

– AP, November 2011

Photo: Papa Ted’s Place

In which a shady link-for-pay schemer offers me links but no pay. (Go to sofasandsectionals.com for more info and great deals!)

publicroad — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 13:49:20 +0000

A few weeks ago, Gawker writer Hamilton Nolan wrote a fascinating post about how a shady marketer had offered him cash on the side in exchange for simply including a single link “in context” in an article. As Nolan explained it, the broker contracts with companies like Motorola and Dell to pay writers to insert links (like that) into their content, without sharing the pesky details with their editors. The companies expand their web presence, the writers get some pocket money in exchange ($175 per post in Nolan’s case!), and no one’s the wiser because the links are included “in context” — subtly, in the middle of otherwise untainted content. “We generally meet with resistance when dealing with editors,” the broker wrote to Nolan, “but bloggers aren’t paid as well and most are willing to make some extra money.” The reason he “meets with resistance” from editors is because his business totally undercuts the fundamental principles of journalism, no big whoop. Needless to say, if Nolan had gone ahead with this it should have gotten him fired.

ANYWAY. So that was interesting to me at the time.

This morning I got an email with the subject line “Free copywriting offer for Public Road.” The email was from a self-described freelance writer asking me if I ever use other people’s content on my blog, and offering her own work. She attached some clips and said if I liked what I saw, she could write something for me — for free!

Sounds like a pretty good deal for a harried blogger. Which I’m not, or at least not on Public Road, where I A) only publish my own stuff B) for fun C) whenever I damn well please and not more often than that.

“There is absolutely no charge for this and no strings attached,” she wrote. Wow! Oh, well, except there is this one TINY string. Really more of a thread, or perhaps a wisp. I barely even noticed that attached string, it’s barely worth mentioning, but fine, as long as you bring it up:

“The only thing I would ask in return is that I’m able to include a link to a site of my choosing within the article – nothing shady or unethical, just one of the professional businesses I freelance for.”

Oh, well as long as it’s nothing shady, and the businesses are professional!

So I clicked on the links she had sent me to her own work, and then did some more googling. (I’m declining to name her here; she’s obviously not the only one doing this and I’m not interested in ruining her career by having this site pop up when someone googles her.) Here are the websites that — consciously or not — seem to be accepting free content in exchange for letting freelancers insert links from third-party advertisers into their content.:

Website: Obscure Sound.
Content: Review of Mink Freud album.
Hilariously shady sentence: “It’s one of those albums that will make you want to lie back on a recliner sectional, put your feet up, and escape into a completely alien world of soundscapes and ambiance.”
“In context” link to: Sofasandsectionals.com

Website: US Daily Review
Content: Comparison of Steve Jobs and Thomas Edison.
Hilariously shady sentence: “In the final analysis most of the people that worked with them wanted to; most wanted to stay for life and wouldn’t consider moving company.”
“In context” link to: Upack.com

Website: Organic Health Advisor
Content: Article on “superfoods.”
Hilariously shady sentence: “It might come as a surprise that some alcohol is beneficial – but before men around the world jump up from their respective sofas, this is referring to small quantities of wine rather than 24-packs of Bud Light.
“In context” link to: Our old friends at Sofasandsectionals.com

Then things got weird: I found an article by this writer that I had written about on another website. She had written a pretty good piece for a website I (previously?) admired! It had a shady link in it that I didn’t even notice at the time! I’m so tempted to name names here! But I won’t!

I have so many questions, but the big one is how much she’s getting paid for this. Her articles are not works of genius, but heck, neither are mine, and they still take some time and research to put together. If she’s offering her work for free to a podunk blog like mine, she must be getting some pretty decent cash from sofasandsectionals.com to make it worth her while.

And so ends the grimy circle of, as she put it in her email to me, “mutual back-scratching.” I sent her a medium-polite email declining her offer. And I just realized I mentioned sofasandsectionals.com four — now five — times within this post. I hope she’s getting paid for this.

Excerpts from the depressingly defensive “About Hooters” page on Hooters.com

publicroad — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 14:08:15 +0000

Is something bothering you, Hooters.com? Your corporate “About Us” page is the most awkwardly defensive corporate document I’ve ever read. Relax, you’re a multimillion-dollar company. You don’t have convince all of us to love you! Step 1 to improved self-esteem: Your description of yourself shouldn’t read like a how-to on letting the haters get you down:

Claims that Hooters exploits attractive women are as ridiculous as saying the NFL exploits men who are big and fast. Hooters Girls have the same right to use their natural female sex appeal to earn a living as do super models Cindy Crawford and Naomi Campbell.

To Hooters, the women’s rights movement is important because it guarantees women have the right to choose their own careers, be it a Supreme Court Justice or Hooters Girl.

The chain acknowledges that many consider “Hooters” a slang term for a portion of the female anatomy.

According to ever-increasing sales figures, the Hooters concept must be acceptable to a large majority of American consumers. Hooters believes critics of the concept are a vocal minority of politically correct minded individuals.

Sex appeal is legal and it sells.

Pantyhose and bras are required.

Finally, the rousing conclusion!:

The company has no plans to alter the concept and feels doing so would be a tremendous disservice to its franchisees, employees, and customers.

Geez, that is grim. Cheer up, Hooters! Your wings are the Playboy articles of mediocre bar food!

Oh, yeah, my blog.

publicroad — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 00:01:27 +0000

Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there.

It’s been almost five months since I posted here. Whoops. In those five months I have:

1. Gotten married.

2. Gone on a 6-week road trip.

3. Moved to rural New Hampshire from Brooklyn, my home of 8+ years.

4. Started working as a full-time freelance writer and editor.

5. Found a cure for cancer, the secret to world peace, and a jeans pattern that perfectly flatters every woman in the world, then buried all my research because it will be more satisfying for you if you figure it out on your own.

So, I’ve had a bit on my plate. And speaking of plates, now that I’m all rural and domestic, I must daily resist the urge to turn this into a dull home-cooking blog. I find myself desperately wanting to tell you about this perfect cornmeal pie crust I made this weekend; the trick to getting the consist…HEY! WAKE UP!

So, I (probably) won’t do that. But hopefully I’ll be back with something funny or strange or road-trippy or political or literary or revolting in less than five months. And if all else fails, I’ll teach you how to make beer-can chicken and embroider your own dish towels.

A scene from this summer.

Guest post from a 12-year-old boy.

publicroad — Thu, 12 May 2011 19:19:52 +0000

Today the New York Times published a story that was either about a golf tournament or an epic orgy. As Dave Barry might say, I’m not making this up.

Limping, Tiger Woods Withdraws After 9 Holes

“I was trying to draw that ball out there just a little bit; I pushed forward and just didn’t feel good.” – Tiger Woods

“Everything started getting tight.” – Tiger Woods

“I’m having a hard time walking.” – Tiger Woods

“Woods said he was surprised he had to withdraw.”

“Asked if would have been wiser to come off earlier, Woods replied, ‘Probably.’”

“The more rest I get, the better it would be, obviously.” – Tiger Woods

“Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to finish.” – Tiger Woods

Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.

Department of small pleasures.

publicroad — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 19:56:14 +0000

I chose the email address rugraham2 @ gmail.com because I was a late adopter of Gmail, and decided to use the same prefix as my old Hotmail address, blah blah blah. I have regrets in life, and this is one of them. “Rugraham2” is a terrible email prefix. I constantly have to spell it out, explain that it’s “the number 2,” etc. OH WELL.

Anyway, today it became clear that my entire decade of having this horribly clunky address occurred so that the following exchange could take place on March 29, 2011:

Me, at Apple Store: I need to make an appointment at the genius bar.

Apple Store guy: Okay! What’s your first name?

Me: Ruth.

ASG: Okay, and your last name?

Me: Graham, G-R-A-H…

ASG: -A-M. Got it! Graham is my first name.

Me: Oh, nice!

ASG: Now I just need your email address.

Me: R-U-Graham-2 @ gmail. I hate that email address.

ASG: But it’s perfect for this moment! I AM Graham, too!

Me: AHHHHHHH!

ASG: AAAAAHHHH!

APPLE STORE GRAHAM AND I LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.*

Fin.

This could happen again if Heather Graham ever asks me for my email address. Do you think she will????

*There are two great things about this story. One is the obvious awesomeness of “Are you Graham, too?” The other one is that the guy RECOGNIZED this, and really took a lot of pleasure in it! My greatest pet peeve is the refusal to enjoy a serendipitous moment – a coincidence, a little joke, a funny street scene that only two people notice, etc. — with a stranger. And my greatest joy is the opposite: In other words, moments just like this one. Thank you, Apple Store Graham!

Filately Korner

publicroad — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 03:05:25 +0000

I was recently browsing the awesome vintage stamp store Champion Stamp, which I read about in Martha Stewart (of course), and the thought occurred to me: Just what does it take to get on a stamp in this country? And if you think you know the answer — be distinguished, like a former president, or pretty, like a flower — then why do the following three stamps exist? And once you’ve answered that, try to decide which of these is the most awesome:

Only slightly less weird than the Beyaz stamp.

Stamps are more than a method for paying for transporting letters and packages. They can also be giant bummers.

Give your Christmas letter to your son-in-law the perfect passive-aggressive finishing touch.

Four facts I read in magazines at least 15 years ago and still think about at least once a week, though I have no idea if they are true

publicroad — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 18:59:43 +0000

1. Eating the white part of an orange is good for your arteries.

2. The average human being eats eight spiders while sleeping over the course of a lifetime.

3. Madonna pees in the shower.

4. Most people should be using less conditioner and more shampoo.

Top 10 books about animals and the afterlife

publicroad — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 15:46:59 +0000

10. “The Divine Life of Animals: One Man’s Quest to Discover Whether the Souls of Animals Live On.”
Author: Ptolemy Tompkins
Product description or key review: “You’ll never look into your pet’s eyes the same way again.”

9. “Will I See My Dog In Heaven?”
Author: Jack Wintz
“Franciscan friar and popular writer Father Jack Wintz brings a love for all creation and infectious enthusiasm to the serious task of exploring answers to these long-asked questions.”

8. “Will I See Fido in Heaven? Scripturally Revealing God’s Wonderful Eternal Plan for His Non-Human Creatures“
Author: Mary Buddemeyer-Porter
Product description or key review: “Years of research went into establishing the accuracy of ‘Will I See Fido in Heaven?’ delving into the original Greek and Hebrew translations covering such topics as the innocence of animals, their obedience to God, their intelligence and sacrifice for mankind and the understanding of symbolism as it applies to man and animals.”

7. “Cold Noses At The Pearly Gates: A book of hope for those who have lost a pet.”
Author: Gary Kurz
Product description or key review: “In one section he proposes that animals will have the ability to speak in the afterlife.”

6. “The Rainbow Bridge: Pet Loss Is Heaven’s Gain“
Author: Niki Behrikis Shanahan
Product description or key review: “As you read this book you will learn about: People who have seen their pets in Heaven through near-death, out-of-body, and deathbed experiences. You can look to your future with your animal companion family member. Realize Heaven is a very real place. Find out if there is recognition in Heaven. How you can overcome depression. Learn about a special white angel cat, and the miracle cross formed out of snow.”

5.”Animals and the Afterlife: True Stories of Our Best Friends’ Journey Beyond Death“
Author: Kim Sheridan
Product description or key review: “Mysterious things began to happen that she couldn’t explain, which led her on an incredible journey to uncover the truth.”

4. “Animals in Spirit: Our faithful companions’ transition to the afterlife“
Author: Penelope Smith
Product description or key review: “Perhaps most helpful is the chapter in which animals counsel their human friends not to grieve for them but to seek joy instead.”

3. “Animals, Immortal Beings: Evidence of the Immortality of Animals“
Author: Mary Buddemeyer-Porter
Product description or key review: “considered by many reviewers to be the most comprehensive source of scriptural proof on the topic of animal immortality.”

2.”There Is Eternal Life for Animals.”
Author: Niki Behrikis Shanahan
Product description or key review: “All animals go to Heaven. How do we know? We look in the book that God left us, the Bible.”

1. “I Will See You in Heaven“
Author: Jack Wintz
Product description or key review: “Now, the question mark is removed! The answer is Yes!“

Bold prediction: 2011 is going to be a rough year for celebrity couples.

publicroad — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 18:00:35 +0000

“This is not a good year for famous couples.”
-New York magazine, December 14, 2010

“2009 was a big year for celebrity breakups.”
-Hollywire, December 27, 2009

“2007 was full of celebrity breakups.”
-Bonny’s Dating Blog, December 26, 2007

“It has been a bad year for celebrity marriages.”
-Daily Mirror, December 27, 2006

Ok, everyone, once and for all, can we please retire this trope? Guess what: Every year is a bad year for celebrity marriages.

Celebrities are all horrible narcissists. They travel constantly, they have 24/7 access to willing sexual partners, they’re millionaires, they’re smoking hot, and they’re used to getting exactly what they want. They do not have normal lives, and they are not normal people. The fact that they cannot manage to build a decades-long bond with another human being is not shocking. Let’s all agree, right now, to stop being shocked.

When Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie break up, we’ll take it in stride. When Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher eventually divorce, we’ll shrug. Even when Matt Damon and his adorable, normal-seeming wife announce their inevitable amicable split, we’ll play it cool even though we might die a little inside.

We will steadfastly refuse to be shocked, because we know the truth: Every single celebrity couple except Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward breaks up eventually. And guess what: Joanne Woodward was Paul Newman’s second wife.

The news that this couple lasted two years instead of 50 should not faze you.